Hello everyone! I am SO sorry it has been so long since I last wrote on here. Working 3 jobs is as busy as it gets and so I haven't always had the energy to sit down and write as much as I used to. I want to change that, though. For this post, I feel inspired to share how I've found strength and comfort in this crazy, uncertain time we are currently living in.
COVID-19 is a terrible virus that has made it to the United States. Because of this, many things and places have been cancelled or shut down until further notice due to the fact that we cannot have large gatherings of people at this time. We're also being asked and pushed to social distance, or in other words stay home as much as possible, work remotely if we can or are permitted to, limit contact with others and follow a 6 feet rule. It's all because we have to slow down the spread of this virus and do our part to save lives. In the blink of an eye, because of the constantly changing nature of this virus, I lost some of the things that brought me comfort and peace while I dealt with the huge loss of my eternal family through my divorce in June of 2019 and the intense trauma that came with that. These things were church, FHE, the temple, and other social gatherings with my fabulous YSA ward members.
Guys, that is a lot of loss for me to handle in one year. And that year isn't even over yet. I've still got a couple of months to go before it will have been a year. When I first found out I was losing all of those things I mentioned so very shortly after the first big loss it seemed, I was not okay. I became scared and anxious of how long this was going to go on for. I didn't know how long I could handle the loss of those things that aided in my healing for a time. I started missing the idea of having a little family to be "quarantined" with like many people in my Facebook feed. I became very overwhelmed with all of the change happening around me all at once. As an individual with autism, I can definitely say that I struggle with change sometimes. I have my moments and then I take a step back, calm down, talk myself through what's happening and everything is okay again. I called my mom two days in a row because I was getting so overwhelmed with all of the changes happening everywhere and about social distancing as well. She told me "Allison, you're getting too worked up over this. Just take it one day at a time." I found it impossible for a bit. But then, I hung up the phone, took a deep breath, and realized she was right: I had to take this one day at a time even if it was hard and even if I was anxious about how long it could all go on for. What other choice do I have?
Then, one night, the manager of my apartment complex offered me a hotel room completely covered by apartment management because my apartment flooded. I of course accepted the offer so I wouldn't have to hear those dang fans another night and so I could have a bed to sleep in since mine was taken apart to lift up more carpet. When I settled into the hotel for the night, I was scrolling through Facebook and I came across President Russell M Nelson's message of hope and comfort in light of COVID-19. I watched and listened to this message and was overcome with peace and comfort. It led me to kneel at the bedside and pray for the first time in months. It was a moment of reconciliation with Heavenly Father, considering the first thing I said was "I'm sorry I haven't communicated with you in such a long time. Please forgive me! I'm gonna try and be better!" I offered up probably the most emotional prayer I had ever said in my entire life. Tears were streaming down my face for the duration of the prayer as I thanked him for all of my many blessings, expressed my many concerns, and ended by asking for comfort and peace. After I said the prayer, I immediately felt a wave of peace come over me as I laid in my bed. I felt the immense love of my Heavenly Father right away and started to have faith that he's in charge and he will take care of all of us in this crazy time. My mood towards the whole situation changed immediately. This is why it says "Prayer will change the night to day" in the hymn "Did You Think To Pray?"
One thing I firmly believe 100% is that I don't have a choice but to keep my head up and rely on my Heavenly Father, especially in hard times. I really haven't had the choice since June of 2019. If I don't do those things, I will never be okay. So, I try to do everything I can to keep my head up and stay positive. I had some unexpected extra time this week, so I was determined to remember and rediscover things I once loved to do and do those things. I got back into Zumba, started going for walks almost every day, wrote in a journal, and now I'm here blogging. Zumba and other exercise seem to be the things that help me feel and stay positive the most. Other things would be prayer and walking around the temple grounds. Taking time to slow down and get back into loved hobbies have very much helped me to be okay at this time.
Guys, you can do this! We've got to be in this together! Uplift one another. Take time to slow down. Use this period of "quarantine" to get back into once loved hobbies you didn't have as much time to do before if your job has cut hours. Exercise (it releases endorphins!). Check in on your friends and family whether they seem fine emotionally or not and stay connected. Most of all, for those who practice religion or if you just want to, pray. Just pray. I can say that you will feel a difference in attitude and mood afterward. Even if you're feeling anxious yourself, these are things that can help you be okay. I understand that for those with anxiety, it can be quite difficult to motivate yourself to do these things. It was incredibly hard for me at first, trust me! But, once you do them, you will feel so much better and at peace and it's such an amazing feeling.
Thank y'all for coming to my TED talk.
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