I've been wanting to write this one for a very long time, but life got in the way. Plus, if I'm going to write this special post, it absolutely has to be done right. So now, here it is just in time for Autism Awareness month. But first, here is a little background information so everyone that reads this can understand what I am about to say and why. Sarah is a 21-year-old young woman with autism. She's my younger sister. Remember, autism is a spectrum, so Sarah and I are most definitely not the same kind of people. We both have it, but we don't act the same way nor do we exhibit the same exact characteristics of Autism Spectrum Disorder. I am verbal and am able to communicate with others even if I don't make sense sometimes; she is non-verbal and unable to effectively communicate with others the same way I can. I can do basic things for myself; she can't always. I have the ability to interact with others, get involved in school and church activities, and live a fairly typical life; she had that all taken away from her because of her communication struggles. That's just to name a few of our huge differences. With that being said, here is my open letter Sarah. If I could have just one conversation with her right here and now, this is what I would say.
Dear Sarah,
How are you today? Are you happy? If so, that’s awesome! I love it when you are happy, even if it’s for no reason. I may never figure out why you’re happy when you are, but Heavenly Father always knows and that’s enough for me. When I lived at home or whenever I visit you, I love it when you just sit there and laugh. I have no clue what you’re laughing about, but it makes my heart happy and it doesn’t annoy me in the slightest. I also love watching you do the things that make you happy, such as roller skating, ice skating, going on drives, going on walks, or bowling. Did I ever mention that I think you are the best roller skater around? Well, it’s true. You just keep zooming around that roller skating arena the way you always do and show everyone what’s up. I hope you and I will share many happy days together; now and in the after life.
Are you sad? If so, why are you sad? Is it because you’re trying to tell us something and the words just won’t come out no matter what? Is it because you just want a friend? Is it because you feel like your family doesn’t care? Well Sarah, I can tell you that we empathize with you in your struggles to talk to us. We don’t know what that’s like because we don’t struggle with it, but we can only imagine it must be awful to not be able to talk with us every day. Know that this is hard on all of us. We want to be able to talk to you just as much as you want to talk to us. You may feel like you’re invisible. You may feel like you don’t fit in with the rest of us. You may feel like you’re not a true part of this family. But, you definitely are. We all love you very much and we are so happy you are in our family. It may not feel like this all the time, but every family has struggles getting along once in awhile. That’s just how family is. It’s not just you we don’t get along with. I’m sure you’ve seen this being in our house, but Kate, Grace and I fought ALL THE TIME. We also had trouble getting along with mom and dad at times. Know that when we have tried to give you hugs, talk to you even though we know you won’t answer back, give you high fives, and show other signs of endearment, all of this means that we love you so much.
Are you angry? If so, why are you angry? Is it because kids called you names at school? Well, those kids have no clue what they're saying or what they're missing out on. Whatever those kids say, know that none of it is your fault. They don't understand your sweet spirit or unique personality. They don't understand that you are most likely pretty intelligent and you know that what they say really hurts. Is it because you don't understand why mom won't let you have more snacks even though you point to what you want so kindly? Well, I can tell you that mom cares about you and loves you very much. She doesn't do that to you because she feels like torturing you. She does that because she loves you enough to tell you "no" sometimes because having too many snacks can be bad for your health. Is it because open skate didn't start right on time and you were pumped and ready to go? I know you don't understand why you couldn't just go out on the rink and skate your heart out, but I'll tell you that sometimes people take a little extra time to get things ready to go. They have to turn on the music and and make sure there are supervisors on duty so that they can help those who may get hurt out there (not to brag, but what a foreign concept for you , miss Sarah!). They didn't start late because they didn't like you and just wanted to make you wait as long as possible. Is it because your sisters were sometimes not nice to you? Because they yelled at you for playing with their valuables and you didn't see the big deal? All I have to say, Sarah, is I'm so very sorry. That's just it. I'm sorry I didn't understand how my actions and words would affect you. The idea of autism at the time was a grown-up concept for me and I didn't quite understand it yet either. I didn't understand that anything I said would hurt your feelings because I didn't think you'd understand what I say. Of course as I matured more, I understood that you have thoughts as well and that I need to be careful of what I say and do. Please forgive me for my lack of understanding when I was younger.
Sarah, I also want to add that you are the biggest example of patience I have ever seen. You may not be patient about open skate start times or when food arrives. But, you are patient with us, your family, when we mess up in how we treat you. You forgive us even when we don't deserve it. You are patient with us as we figure out how to talk with you and include you. You also teach us to be patient with you when you do things that hurt us. We know you don't understand the big deal behind some of the things you do and that is why we try very hard each day to be loving and understanding instead of angry with you. It has definitely only gotten easier and easier over the years. You're that sassy, spunky little sister I always dreamed of in addition to Grace.
I love you, Sarah.
Love,
Your big sister, Allison
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